Said the wrong thing? Don't worry, most things can be fixed with a genuine apology. Picture: Thinkstock Source: news.com.au
WE are often told we have 30 seconds to make a good first impression.
Others will say you have seven seconds to make a good first impression. Or is it three?
While the networking gurus can't seem to agree on the exact timing, the point they make is that first impressions matter. A lot.
But what if you make a bad one? Can it be undone?
Etiquette expert Anna Musson said it was possible but difficult.
"It is much easier to turn a good first impression into a bad overall impression than it is to turn a bad first impression into a good one," Ms Musson said.
Ms Musson said first impressions were so hard to change because people's senses go into overdrive when they first meet someone.
"We like to think that we're right and once we've made up our mind about a person we need to be persuaded otherwise," she said.
To undo a bad first impression takes "at best hours, at worst years".
"If their initial assessment is that you are shady, you will have to work to really show your integrity, honesty, authenticity, hard work - and actually produce what you say you will," she said.
"Whereas if someone meets you for first time and thinks 'this person is a hard worker' they'll only slowly realise you're not."
Some simple but common things people do that make a bad first impression:
Give a weak handshake
Swear
Get too drunk
Tell an offensive joke or story
Get someone's name wrong
Be unaware of who someone is when you first meet them (especially a boss or executive)
Business etiquette expert Danielle Di-Masi says it is hard to come back from a bad first impression made during a job interview or at an event, because you're unlikely to see the person again.
"But in most cases you're going to have an ongoing relationship with someone. You can fix almost anything," Ms Di-Masi said.
"Just don't keep making the same mistake".
If you are unsure whether you offended someone when you first met them Ms Musson suggests getting a second opinion.
"Ask someone else's advice – 'Was I out of line here?' Because we can justify our own behaviour easily," she said.
If you have offended them, Ms Musson says apologise.
"But if they don't accept your apology and it's a genuine apology it becomes an issue with them and not you," she said.
Ms Di-Masi said some bad impressions were easily fixed, like calling someone the wrong name.
"All you need to say is 'Michelle I'm so sorry I've been calling you Sally', that's all you should say and make sure from then on you're calling her the right name," she said.
"But what people do is they often drone on, in any situation they make it big deal and a drama and people get sick of you.
"Because then the issue isn't that you did something wrong it's that you're being a bit of a drama queen."
Other mistakes are more serious but still can be fixed by saying sorry, for example telling a story that offends or sending an email that gets misunderstood.
"Then you need to man-up or woman-up and you need to just apologise," Ms Di-Masi said.
"If you were in the wrong take ownership, there's nothing worse than an apology and a blame."
Some mistakes, like getting too drunk at work drinks, are difficult to come back from but not impossible.
"In Australia there are many different work cultures that encourage getting drunk and having heaps of drinks, things like investment banking and recruitment have a very big drinking culture," Ms Di-Masi said.
"And you see rookies coming in and wanting to be part of it and getting drunk, but people might not know you in any other setting apart from these business drinks."
If you do something really embarrassing Ms Di-Masi said "you are just going to have to be sad and feel sorry for yourself".
"Don't send out an all-work email. If you really did act like a pork chop, when you see your manager just apologise."
And make sure you don't do it again.
If you don't know what you have done but are sure you have offended someone, Ms Di-Masi suggests asking them about it.
"Say 'I feel I may have offended you, can you let me know?'" she said.
"If they tell you [what you have done] and you think 'Are you serious? That is ridiculous' you have to decide if it's worth it, if it's really a relationship you want to foster."
If so, say sorry.
If you try to apologise for something and the person doesn't accept it or continues to be passive aggressive, you just have to cut your losses.
"Some people are just super, super sensitive," Ms Di-Masi said.
